When the World is Mine.

The proclamations of one person with ideas of global sovereignty. A list of numbered rules in no particular order that shall be implemented when unilateral global domination has been achieved. There is an RSS feed.

"Democracy without fundamental rights is nothing more than rule by the braying mob." - David Rees.

"The purpose of democracy is to distribute blame for the creation of a tyrant. One must choose their tyrant carefully." - Me.

1. Rule 147: When the world is mine, all rock climbers caught wearing a wristwatch, ring, bracelet or other similar jewellery will be forced to Google image search 'degloving' before they are permitted to climb again.
2. Rule 146: When the world is mine, all properties newly built, or modified to any extent; for example painting of the living room or installing of an Ikea bookcase, must from that date provide it's own off-site parking for any vehicles. Vehicles not otherwise parked will be recycled to produce municipal infrastructure materials.
3. Rule 145: When the world is mine, refined sugar will be reclassified as a class A drug and given to financial traders as a cocaine substitute.
4. Rule 144: When the world is mine, any company that attempts to profit from exploiting their customers private data, will have all their own private data, and intellectual property, immediately and irrevocably rendered public domain.
5. Rule 143: When the world is mine, any individual who publishes a form longer than two pages at 14 point text; will be given lines. Specifically; the entire history of English-language Tax regulations and documentation, 100 times.
6. Rule 142: When the world is mine, the computer company Oracle will be punitively disbanded and all of their assets will be transferred to a new non-profit organization. Any debts will remain with the current shareholders.
7. Rule 141: When the world is mine, it will only be permissible to manufacture furniture from hardwood and metallurgically valuable alloys. Furniture will also have a mandatory manufacturer and retailer warranty of three centuries.
8. Rule 140: When the world is mine, paperbacks and eBooks will only be available as an add-on item to the sale of hardbacks. This will permit the taking of a disposable copy of a work into hazardous conditions such as a bath or public transport; while re-establishing the value of a book as a permanent and emotional object.
9. Rule 139: When the world is mine, vital charity-operated services such as Childline and the Samaritans support line, will additionally be available by dialing the national or international emergency services number.
10. Rule 138: When the world is mine, no private company will be allowed to operate in a local or national monopoly where a service is critical to the operation of a functioning society. Any such company in a market without meaningful competition will be nationalized though uncompensated expropriation.
11. Rule 137: When the world is mine, no software accessible from any machine but its own host shall be written in PHP, on penalty of exile to Sealand.
12. Rule 136: When the world is mine, the documentary requirements for accepting the identity of an individual shall be legally prescribed. Deviation shall be punished by summary execution of all individuals concerned.
13. Rule 135: When the world is mine, individuals who identify as vegetarian consuming meat or fish products, will be a capital crime.
14. Rule 134: When the world is mine, laundry baskets will be designed to allow transportation of clothing outside of a property, in order to facilitate sharing of laundry facilities.
15. Rule 133: When the world is mine, all geospatial standards and software will use the bounding box format: (x0, x1, y0, y1).
16. Rule 132: When the world is mine, all electronic devices able or intended to interact with other electronic devices will only use a POSIX compliant shell or a fully and publicly documented RESTful API over http for setup and configuration. No exceptions.
17. Rule 131: When the world is mine,
    All email will be haiku,
    Or necks will lose heads.
18. Rule 130: When the world is mine, two-litre bottles of water will be issued to all office workers at the start of every workday, except in cases of religious or medical concern.
19. Rule 129: When the world is mine, it will be illegal to sell light sources with a color temperature of less than 4000K
20. Rule 128: When the world is mine, Iceland will have all non-critical internet connections disabled while hosting people on their honeymoons.
21. Rule 127: When the world is mine, all production spiking-neuron processors must each contain a sharpened steel spike to destroy the neural net in case of Skynet-alike behaviour.
22. Rule 126: When the world is mine, it will be illegal to sell digital music or video separately from a physical analogue copy. This will therefore revive the struggling Vinyl and LaserDisc markets, providing economic benefits.
23. Rule 125: When the world is mine, it will be a criminal offense to use the term 'gate' to describe significant political public relations failures. This will prevent confusion with the common phrases 'garden gate', 'baby gate' et al.
24. Rule 124: When the world is mine, the nursery and pre-school curriculum will include a mandatory three-credit-hour 'cost-benefit analysis of trading personal data for product' course.
25. Rule 123: When the world is mine, All eBook readers must be fully compatible with Calibre and the ePub standard.
26. Rule 122: When the world is mine, all media and storage devices which have ever contained a copy of Ubuntu 13.10 will be sealed in a vault and subjected to temperatures of a minimum 3500K for at least two centuries.
27. Rule 121: When the world is mine, spreading Nutella or equivalent products onto a pancake will be illegal in the territory of England. In the territory of Scotland, it will be encouraged to take cooked pancakes, dip them in batter and deep-fry them.
28. Rule 120: When the world is mine, all workplaces will be required to provide a fully equipped dojo and Shotokan Karate tuition to staff.
29. Rule 119: When the world is mine, 04:00 will be accepted as an ideal starting point for a day.
30. Rule 118: When the world is mine, booting an 802.11b access point outside of a Faraday cage will be a capital crime.
31. Rule 117: When the world is mine, all businesses will be required to use PGP signing and encryption when emailing customers.
32. Rule 116: When the world is mine, Jitsi will be the only IM/VoIP client shipped by default with Ubuntu.
33. Rule 115: When the world is mine, all bars, shops, vending machines and other beverage outlets within three miles of any temporary or permanent hacker installation or event must sell Club-Mate.
34. Rule 114: When the world is mine, copper will replace bronze as the material commonly used to depict third place.
35. Rule 113: When the world is mine, the concept of money will be replaced with a system of rationing entirely using a device functionally similar to a debit card.
36. Rule 112: When the world is mine, any person caught saving a logo as a jpeg file will be taken without possibility of reprieve or parole to the dilithium mines on the penal asteroid of Rura Penthe, there to spend the rest of their natural lives.
37. Rule 111: When the world is mine, LAMP will be replaced on all production web servers with BLAM: BSD, Lighttpd, ALGOL, MongoDB.
38. Rule 110: When the world is mine, the Information Technology Infrastructure Library will be part of mandatory education from age 3 onwards.
39. Rule 109: When the world is mine, onion bhaji will always be served with a choice of mustard and minted yoghurt.
40. Rule 108: When the world is mine, the city of Antwerp will be punitively demolished.
41. Rule 107: When the world is mine, the Antwerp ring road will be punitively demolished.
42. Rule 106: When the world is mine, the wifi standard will be replaced with a technology permitting more than three co-located networks without interference.
43. Rule 105: When the world is mine, gender-neutral pronouns will be used by default by all government employees when describing or interacting with new individuals.
44. Rule 104: When the world is mine, Japanese cellphone operators will be required by law to push copies of new laws to all smartphone subscribers over an annoying mandatory pop-up service.
45. Rule 103: When the world is mine, anyone foolish and tasteless enough to fry spaghetti in lieu of soba shall be forced to consume every last bite.
46. Rule 102: When the world is mine, the computer software company Adobe will be punitively disbanded.
47. Rule 101: When the world is mine, all services mandatory for a practical life will have a government provided option, including a medically assigned; nutrient and calorie controlled staple diet.
48. Rule 100: When the world is mine, Valve employees will be required by law to remain at their workplace with only the bare minimum of sleep and food until the entire Half-Life series is concluded to the satisfaction of the general public.
49. Rule 99: When the world is mine, the source code to all video games will be released either five years after they are first published, or at the time that their original console is superceded or discontinued.
50. Rule 98: When the world is mine, buses will travel at a minimum scalar speed of 200 kilometres per hour.
51. Rule 97: When the world is mine, railway stations will be required by law to provide a quick method of wheelchair access from platform to platform at no additional cost to the traveler.
52. Rule 96: When the world is mine, performing rights societies will be punitively disbanded.
53. Rule 95: When the world is mine, it will be legal and encouraged to coat Apple store steel panels in LED throwies.
54. Rule 94: When the world is mine, all shops selling prepackaged deserts must make available at least one item using only carrot as a sweetener. Tax breaks will be given to those using Medieval European styling for the packaging.
55. Rule 93: When the world is mine, mod_accesslog will be included in the default configuration of lighttpd on Ubuntu.
56. Rule 92: When the world is mine, tarmac will be removed from all roads and pavements and replaced by something less dangerous.
57. Rule 91: When the world is mine, the purpose of sentient life will be defined as to strive to ensure that the number and magnitude of positive outcomes for the remaining and subsequent population of sentient individuals that can be directly or indirectly attributed to an invidual having existed, outweighs the number and magnitude of negative outcomes.
58. Rule 90: When the world is mine, organisations that reject polo shirts as being appropriate work attire shall be dissolved immediately.
59. Rule 89: When the world is mine, the media will be manipulated to make very short hair the cultural norm for people of all genders.
60. Rule 88: When the world is mine, the town of Dingwall will be carefully disassembled and reassembled east of the Cairngorms.
61. Rule 87: When the world is mine, clan Strathdee shall administrate Aberdeenshire under strict supervision from the central global government.
62. Rule 86: When the world is mine, Glasgow shall be recategorised as part of England as punishment for it's hideousness.
63. Rule 85: When the world is mine, a multidisciplinary committee on ethics will be drawn up with a multi-year research program into handling genetics defects, such as connective tissue and heart disorders.
64. Rule 84: When the world is mine, all geek-oriented devices with calendar software will be legally required to remind their owners to eat.
65. Rule 83: When the world is mine, laws preventing reproduction will not apply to government sanctioned eugenics programs, such as the one to eliminate succeptability to the common cold.
66. Rule 82: When the world is mine, human reproduction will be a capital crime. Raising and breeding endangered carnivores as pets will however be encouraged.
67. Rule 81: When the world is mine, Neon Genesis Evangelion will having a minimum viewing age of a hundred and twenty four years old.
68. Rule 80: When the world is mine, stick figure webcomics will be exempt from any laws relating to the use of logical principles for humour.
69. Rule 79: When the world is mine, all wheelchair parts will be made of the ideal material, despite the cost.
70. Rule 78: When the world is mine, Randall Munroe will be named the official court jester. This position will come with free access to all the latest image-making software, hardware and all the collective scientific knowledge available.
71. Rule 77: When the world is mine, making jokes that rely exclusively on the property of recursiveness as a humorous device will be a capital crime.
72. Rule 76: When the world is mine, the world will be mine.
73. Rule 75: When the world is mine, the Silmarillion will form the basis of a new global religion, taught exclusively in school PSRE classes.
74. Rule 74: When the world is mine, the city of Krakow will be definitively and officially classified as 'Eastern Europe'. The rest of Poland will remain 'Central Europe'.
75. Rule 73: When the world is mine, incredibly sad music will come with a warning label.
76. Rule 72: When the world is mine, at least one implementation of SQL will be taught to all children aged 6 and above.
77. Rule 71: When the world is mine, all video games must support being placed on Linux using static or dynamic loaded libraries.
78. Rule 70: When the world is mine, interviewing for jobs will be reclassified as an extreme sport.
79. Rule 69: When the world is mine, healthcare companies will be held to legally enforced SLA's.
80. Rule 68: When the world is mine, students will be required to engage in the practice of the four main categories of fine music: Classical, Dubstep, Surf and electric guitar-based Ukrainian Folk.
81. Rule 67: When the world is mine, All cities must provide dedicated bus lanes through all high-traffic areas.
82. Rule 66: When the world is mine, all computers must have an accessible socket for a standardised PLCC32 TPM chip.
83. Rule 65: When the world is mine, a basic set of processor, ram, power supply and logic board will be available for 80GBP. Case sold separately.
84. Rule 64: When the world is mine, cheques will be deprecated in favour of BACS.
85. Rule 63: When the world is mine, Amazon lockers or equivalent set-ups will be used by all shipping companies to deliver goods.
86. Rule 62: When the world is mine, all 3D-capable displays, including televisions, tablets and portable devices; will be required to include a standards-compliant 3D video camera with autofocus connected over thunderbolt or firewire.
87. Rule 61: When the world is mine, SMS will be deprecated.
88. Rule 60: When the world is mine, Cory Doctorow's 'Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town' and 'Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom' will be required reading. Little Brother will be banned.
89. Rule 59: When the world is mine, supermarkets will stock a small range of ATX power supplies for failure-related emergencies.
90. Rule 58: When the world is mine, all operating systems must fully support zfs, including booting and Case Sensitivity.
91. Rule 57: When the world is mine, VideoLan Client will be installed on all office PC's to ensure that Everfree radio can be accessed during breaks.
92. Rule 56: When the world is mine, all telephone manufacturers will be required to offer a low cost flip phone and web tablet.
93. Rule 55: When the world is mine, companies and public bodies that are trying to book appointments will be required to publish a live caldav feed so that people can more efficiently select time slots that suit them.
94. Rule 54: When the world is mine, the preparation of bacon must be done in a sealed area to ensure that the smell cannot distract passing meat-eaters and disgust passing vegetarians.
95. Rule 53: When the world is mine, LCARS will be made public domain so that the developers of the LCARS RSS Reader can fix the bugs in the application.
96. Rule 52: When the world is mine, the default option in the ubuntu network stack will be to bond network interfaces when new ones appear.
97. Rule 51: When the world is mine, Soldering lessons will be mandatory for all secondary school students.
98. Rule 50: When the world is mine, Amazon will be nationalised and required to manafacture a new Kindle using the casing design of the 1st generation Kindle.
99. Rule 49: When the world is mine, a guitar proficiency test will be successfully completed before an individual is allowed to own a Stratocaster shaped guitar.
100. Rule 48: When the world is mine, advertising using communications systems or outside of ones own property will result in incarceration.
101. Rule 47: When the world is mine, device drivers will be illegal.
102. Rule 46: When the world is mine, a dedicated task force will be created with the sole aim of replicating legendary musical composers such as the band Muse as fully actualised computer models.
103. Rule 45: When the world is mine, the official global dish will consist of baked haricot beans, a savoury sauce of plum tomatoes and toasted wholemeal bread.
104. Rule 44: When the world is mine, paperclips will be replaced by pairs of rare-earth magnets.
105. Rule 43: When the world is mine, British Sign Language will be the official national language of Guernsey.
106. Rule 42: When the world is mine, all speakers of English will be retrained to ensure that British spelling prevails wherever it is demonstrable to be the superior option.
107. Rule 41: When the world is mine, mocking someone based on their wearing the colour pink will be a crime.
108. Rule 40: When the world is mine, knowingly ignoring medical advice you have been given about a person or animal you have responsibility for will be a criminal act.
109. Rule 39: When the world is mine, all companies and public bodies will be liable for fines should they refuse to accept valid legal identification.
110. Rule 38: When the world is mine, all guardians of ferrets and cats will be required to possess a minimum of one sensory stimulation ball, containing a bell, vibrator and/or flashy lights depending on the preferences of the animal, and respecting any disabilities the animal may have.
111. Rule 37: When the world is mine, all models of guitar sold must offer choice of maple fretboard, and left handed options.
112. Rule 36: When the world is mine, accessibility support will be mandatory for all software.
113. Rule 35: When the world is mine, low calorie soft drinks will be dispensed free in all offices.
114. Rule 34: When the world is mine, phone numbers will be replaced by a global addressing system. ~~ Posted by \\Europe\UK\Devon\<IDENTITY REDACTED>
115. Rule 33: When the world is mine, the ukelele and recorder will be removed from the key stage 1 curriculum and replaced with the violin, flute, and Fender Mustang '65 reissue.
116. Rule 32: When the world is mine, the global-national anthem will be a dubstep track.
117. Rule 31: When the world is mine, the letter 'x' will no longer be allowed to follow the letter 'e' at the beginning of a word. 'Espression' and 'ecitement' will become standard in order to facilitate the recovery of the endangered specie known as 'Espresso'.
118. Rule 30: When the world is mine, a dedicated task force will be created with the sole aim of replicating legendary musical instruments such as the Stradivari Messiah of 1716 and the Fender jaguar of 1962.
119. Rule 29: When the world is mine, French home telecommunications wiring regulations will be in effect for all new home and small business wiring installations across the globe.
120. Rule 28: When the world is mine, wearing odd socks or dated socks on the wrong days will be a capital crime.
121. Rule 27: When the world is mine, wireless internet will be available at every point on the surface of the earth as part of the single global telecoms fee.
122. Rule 26: When the world is mine, all computer storage devices must have a minimum lifespan of ten thousand years.
123. Rule 25: When the world is mine, the European Health Insurance Card will be integrated into the European Union biometric passport.
124. Rule 24: When the world is mine, impersonation of a politician on a social network will be treated as a serious crime. Those found guilty will be subject to a minimum sentence of a ministerial position. And will be ignored.
125. Rule 23: When the world is mine, professional football players will be slotted into matches of the new global sport: Shotokan Karate Kumite.
126. Rule 22: When the world is mine, Wrigleys Lockets will taste pleasant.
127. Rule 21: When the world is mine, all internet and communications will be provided by a single provider for a single price. Globally. Comrade.
128. Rule 20: When the world is mine, the iced mocha will be the official drink of the European Union new global order.
129. Rule 19: When the world is mine, the iPad will be reclassified as a weapon of mass destruction.
130. Rule 18: When the world is mine, all convicts will be required to use Microsoft Windows Millenium Edition for the duration of their sentence.
131. Rule 17: When the world is mine, all menial labour will be performed by cylons roombas.
132. Rule 16: When the world is mine, all government buildings and vehicles will be painted pink for clarity.
133. Rule 15: When the world is mine, Gibson guitars will be sold as firewood by all gas stations.
134. Rule 14: When the world is mine, hard disk drives will randomly erase themselves to encourage appropriate backup methodologies.
135. Rule 13: When the world is mine, bananas will be available free on the NHS.
136. Rule 12: When the world is mine, smartphones will be illegal for individuals under 30.
137. Rule 11: When the world is mine, chocolate will become its own food group.
138. Rule 10: When the world is mine, ATMs will dispense everything in Bank of Scotland 1 Pound notes.
139. Rule 9: When the world is mine, web design will be a mandatory subject between ages two and three.
140. Rule 8: When the world is mine, the house of Lords will be populated with Blue Peter badge winners. Who will be ignored.
141. Rule 7: When the world is mine, this.
142. Rule 6: When the world is mine, Monty Python will be required reading for all 15 year olds in state education.
143. Rule 5: When the world is mine, elasticated ID-clips will replace lanyards in all cases unless stringent health-and-safety criteria are met.
144. Rule 4: When the world is mine, Ibuprofen will no longer be available over the counter.
145. Rule 3: When the world is mine, the sale of computer equipment without anti-glare displays will be illegal.
146. Rule 2: When the world is mine, possession of white chocolate will be a capital crime.
147. Rule 1: When the world is mine, neckties will be illegal in the presence of more than 3 people.